Monday, May 30, 2011

Brett Favre Inspired Birthday Card

This Stupid Assed Craft started off innocently enough-- with a phone call from S. "Let's make Wenifer a card- you can draw something on the front..."

I replied telling her that I could not, in fact draw.

"Oh, yes you can.  I've seen you draw."

"That wasn't really drawing.  Plus it was with sidewalk chalk on my driveway.  All I can draw is a mermaid.  I'm a one trick pony."

S was thoughtful for a moment and then said "I'll bet you could draw a penis.  Or a dildo."

I couldn't argue with that logic and thus the 'Brett Favre Inspired Birthday Card' was born.

We decided to use the tissue paper mosaic technique.  Of course, you don't HAVE to make a penis- in fact, if you're making this with your kids or with anyone else's kids, I would suggest something a little less...jarring.  First get all of your supplies in a big pile, like this:
You'll need scissors, tissue paper in at least two colors, glue, one piece of white copy paper, one piece of white cardstock, and a Sharpie marker or a pencil.  The Sonic drink is also a requirement because nobody should have to craft without booze.  Or a vanilla Coke.

Begin by cutting the tissue paper into 1 1/4 inch strips.  (You can put three pieces of tissue paper together to save time) Cut the strips into 1 1/4 inch by 1 1/4 inch squares.

 Continue until you have a pile of tissue paper squares, like so:

Next, you'll put a generous amount of glue on the copy paper and spread it around using your fingers.  You could also use a paintbrush if you want, I suppose, but there's not much fun in that.

Once your paper is thoroughly gluey, begin placing the tissue paper squares in a row, alternating colors:
Let your paper dry completely.  We helped the process along by placing the paper in front of a fan.  I should add here that turning on the fan while your friend is cutting the tissue paper is a bad idea.  I know this because I turned the fan on while S was busy cutting.  S was also insistant that I admit that my idea of crafting is to watch someone else make something while I just sit there.  Which isn't true at all because I was reading the newspaper and providing the occasional humorous anecdote.  Which is A LOT.

After your paper is dry, flip it over and using the Sharpie or pencil, draw your desired shape and cut it out.  My guess is that you won't want to make a penis, but here's ours just in case:

 Of course, this is after we glued it to a piece of cardstock and made it appear to be singing, because that's exactly what a penis on a birthday card should be doing.  We also added googly eyes and sparkles because it was a birthday card, for God's sake and therefore should be as classy and tasteful as possible.

Just a teeny piece of advice for you- drawing a penis somehow leads to drawing more penises.  I'm not sure why...