Friday, May 6, 2011

I'm the third nipple...

Two of my closest friends and I were recently  having one of our deep, insightful conversations... That already sounds like a lie so I'll just be honest-  my friend (let's call her 'S') and I were struggling to figure out how to move a carseat from her car to my car- easy cheesy lemon squeezy, right? Not so  much.  Did you know that this task is apparently impossible unless you're a rocket scientist or some other kind of genius shit?  Our attempts to figure it out rendered us totally fucking useless because we were bent over, laughing like hyenas with our legs crossed to avoid 'mom peeing'. (In the parking lot of our place of employment , no less).  When my second friend joined us (let's call her 'Wenifer') she ended up laughing like a hyena, too which was no help at all because none of us were doing anything productive and the damned kids had climbed into the front seat of my car and were doing shit like turning on the windshield wipers (like I have any idea how to turn them off) and turning on the blinkers (like I have any idea how to turn them off either).  Wenifer finally completed the task at hand and we all loaded ourselves into my car and headed to our shopping spree at Ida Red's (where I'm known as the 'crazy lady who buys ALL of the green apple Zotz).  Along the way, we discussed what each of us brings to the table of our friendship- what each of our 'gifts' are.  Wenifer is clearly the one who can fix shit.  She is also the group backbone and will happily kick someone's ass for us, if need be.  And I guess she's in charge of good taste, too because she can decorate like a motherfucker and she always looks like she stepped out of a magazine plus she's the first person to kindly point out if my overabundance of black eyeliner is making me look like a hooker.  S is super intelligent- very well read and actually knows the meaning of all the big words she uses.  She is the creator and enforcer of our 'you have to read the book first- the whole book and not just the end- before you see the movie' rule. She is professional and is the only one of us who's allowed to talk to the parents of the children we teach.  I have also never, ever heard her yell or say a swear word to or around her kids or mine (and mine are SUPER annoying).  She is also in charge of driving me places because I hate it.  By now you're probably wondering to yourself what I bring to the group.  Ready? I'm in charge of being random. And whimsical.  Which basically means that on the body of our friendship, I'm the fucking third nipple!