Thursday, May 19, 2011

Things You Shouldn't Have to Say Out Loud to Your Children

After telling my youngest son (more than once) that "Boogers are for noses and tissues ONLY!"  I started thinking about the things parents say out loud and sometimes, how weird those things might sound to...well, to pretty much anyone who was around.
I remember once when Colin was a toddler, we had a yellow rubber duck safety thingy on the bathtub faucet- he loved nothing more than slipping it off the faucet and naturally, onto his foot where it would invariably become stuck and turn into quite the tugging match between yellow duckie and myself.  After one too many tugging matches, I distinctly remember telling him that whatever he did, he was to STOP taking the duckie off the faucet and STOP putting his foot in it.  Colin looked at me quite blankly and said "It's in his butt." Ok. Fine. "STOP putting your foot in the duck and especially stop putting your foot in the MF duck's butt, for God's sake!"  See?
A dear friend of mine laughingly disclosed a story about a friend's child (yeah, right) who was caught, pants down bent over in front of a mirror, trying to put a quarter in his butt.  Can you just imagine the conversation that followed??  "Little Freddy, please don't put quarters in your butt. Or pennies. Oh, hell, just don't put ANY loose change in your butt. Pretty please?? For Mommy??!"
It reminds me of another time, right around the duck incident.  Colin and I were laying in bed, snuggling a bit before I tucked him in for the night.  It was dark, peaceful and I had just finished reading 'Goodnight Moon.' (or maybe it was 'Everybody Poops'- I get those two confused) Anyway, we sat there cuddling for a bit before he started touching my eyes and nose...thinking we were playing our 'Mommy's Eyes, Mommy's Nose' game, I obliged, even chewing on his finger for a minute before he went into 'Mommy's Mouth'.  I should have known immediately that something was up when he started giggling hysterically.  He said "I had a booger.  Then I put it in your mouth."
 By now you can probably guess what I said, right??