The truth is, famous people make people act weird. So really, it's not about 'us' as much as it is about 'them'. My mild mannered friend S took out an entire row of men- from the ARMED FORCES, for God's sake- trying to touch Michael Buble's hand. There they were, defending our country and enjoying a little old fashioned crooning and here comes S like a stealth bomber or some kind of shit , climbing over their heads and knocking down chairs and totally wipes them out! Wenifer said she couldn't believe her eyes as S emerged from the pile o'soldiers, clawing her way to the top, arm outstretched still trying to touch HIM. I couldn't believe it either! Can you imagine how S would have acted had it been someone with actual sex appeal instead of Michael effing Buble?!
I'll tell you what she would have done- she would have acted like I did the night S, Wenifer and I met Taddy Porter, my very favorite band. I saw the guitar player walking around before the show and I went up to tell him how much I loved his band and all I could say was "Are you Joe?" before he was frightened away by my exhuberence OR the invisible writing on my head that says 'I'm sooo gonna jump out from behind a dumpster later and put you in my trunk'. It may have been my breath which was a combination of sashimi and champagne., but I WAS chewing gum and I don't think he got close enough to hear me much less SMELL me. I didn't do any better when I saw the singer, Andy, walking amongst the regular people. I went to shake his hand and like a total boob, tripped over something invisible on the floor of Cain's Ballroom (which is really HARD to do because that was the only time I have tripped at Cain's EVER and I was mostly completely sober, so I can't even use that as an excuse). Anyway, I had all this stuff to say- I'm sure you can imagine- about how much I loved their music and that it made me fall in love with music all over again and that I think they're easily the most talented, promising band on the planet- and what did I say??? "Best. Band. Ever." I'm not kidding. I tripped, fell on him and then said "best. band. ever." If that doesn't scream 'vodka drunk cougar',I don't know what does. The only souvenier I have is a really dark picture of Andy and I where the look on his face clearly says 'help me' and the never ending sting of embarassment. Well, I have that and the knowledge that I'm barely suitable for regular people much less famous people.