Monday, June 20, 2011

Why I Thought 'Anal Bleaching' Was a Joke

Ok...seriously...S, Wenifer and I were sitting in my office last week discussing my new redecorating project (we were also discussing how much we loved the movie 'Bridesmaids'- if you haven't seen it, please go now) when someone raised the question 'what do you think about anal bleaching?'  I thought it was a joke at first.  Until I googled it, which I'm admitting to you now, is almost always a huge mistake.

Like that time I was supposed to go back to the dentist for a dental implant and sinus lift.  You SHOULD go google that now because it's horrifying on many different levels and you'll see why I have avoided the dentist as much as possible since then.  Which is hard because I think she's awesome and I adore her family.  But once again, I digress.  The topic here is anal bleaching. 

After much research I discovered that people do it in pursuit of a more youthful butthole.  Apparently, the stain of excrement makes it look older.  (Side note: you should be using baby wipes anyway.  Mothers have known this for centuries. If you aren't, it's likely there's poop on your bum right this very second)

Plus, I have used bleaching cream on my face- the burn is unholy.  No way it's going on my butt.  No. Way. Inhell.

And I'm not concerned with it looking younger- I'll botox my face within an inch of it's life, but when it comes to that particular area, it's on its own.  I barely acknowledge its presence anyway.  If you're concerned with someone thinking your butthole looks old, I suggest that you direct them to another more interesting part of your body and use the money for psychological therapy.