Thursday, July 7, 2011

Things You Might Not Know About Women, Part 2

This is more of a 'things my girlfriends and I know about a man's reproductive organs'. I'm certain that the information will be useful to you as you navigate the tricky waters of relationships..

  1. Your penis should never, ever be involved in a surprise. Ever. Or an ambush.
  2. Sex education for girls used to be sort of like teaching us that encountering a penis was kind of like preparing for a zombie apocalypse- it was something we were minimally prepared for and a little frightened by. That's why we're serious about Number 1- put it away, roll over and go back to sleep.
  3. We don't want to wake up with it in our face area. Even if you're just gently tapping us on the forehead with it.
  4. We don't want to see it talk or sing (unless it's on a birthday card). Same goes for bending it into weird shapes. Really.
  5. It is NOT going to fly away if you take your hand off it for a second. This is a hard habit to break because we know this starts when your a little man, but we assure you, there is no need to keep rechecking to see if it's there.
  6. The only thing we know about testicles is this: you should never, ever accidentally zip your son's up in his pants when he's four because he'll be 6 and still insisting on wearing pants with an elastic waist. Or so we've been told.