This is more of a 'things my girlfriends and I know about a man's reproductive organs'. I'm certain that the information will be useful to you as you navigate the tricky waters of relationships..
- Your penis should never, ever be involved in a surprise. Ever. Or an ambush.
- Sex education for girls used to be sort of like teaching us that encountering a penis was kind of like preparing for a zombie apocalypse- it was something we were minimally prepared for and a little frightened by. That's why we're serious about Number 1- put it away, roll over and go back to sleep.
- We don't want to wake up with it in our face area. Even if you're just gently tapping us on the forehead with it.
- We don't want to see it talk or sing (unless it's on a birthday card). Same goes for bending it into weird shapes. Really.
- It is NOT going to fly away if you take your hand off it for a second. This is a hard habit to break because we know this starts when your a little man, but we assure you, there is no need to keep rechecking to see if it's there.
- The only thing we know about testicles is this: you should never, ever accidentally zip your son's up in his pants when he's four because he'll be 6 and still insisting on wearing pants with an elastic waist. Or so we've been told.