Monday, August 22, 2011

The Best Marital Advice I Have ( For the Wives Only!)

Ok ladies, I'm going to give you the best piece of marital advice you have ever, or will ever receive.  It's not original- I stole it from Jill Conner Browne author of the fabulous Sweet Potato Queen books, but it works.  Furthermore it works every single time.

I like to call this advice 'The Promise'.  Meaning that you 'promise' to do that thing ALL men love and ALL men complain about never getting- a bj. (If you don't know what this stands for, it stands for blow job.  If you don't know what a blow job is....well, google it) This is how The Promise works- you know those dishes piling up in the sink?  The laundry you can't ever seem to get folded and put away?  The shutters on the house that desperately need repainted?  Walk up to your hubby, sweet as pie and whisper in his ear "I would love to give you a bj right this very second, but the dirty dishes are driving me crazy."  The dishes will be done before you turn around and walk out of the room.  There are actually a bazillion ways to use it- please feel free to adjust it to your personality.

You know when The Promise really comes in handy?  Birthdays, Anniversaries and Christmas.  Then you can spend all the money on yourself and he'll be happy as a clam, I promise.

Now I know this sounds suspiciously like prostitution, but it most definitely is NOT.  It's called marriage and it means you'll have a happy hubby.  Because they ALL complain about having a lack of bj's- they're simple like that.

Oh! One last thing- you don't have to actually deliver on the promise every single time.  I suggest you don't every once in a while just to keep him from abusing The Promise. (Can't you just hear them "Well, I'd love to help you carry in that truckload of groceries through the ice and snow if you made a little promise to me..."  We'll have none of that.

Feel free to try The Promise today- let me know how it works out for you!