Sunday, September 18, 2011

Please add this to the reasons why you don't want kids

I haven't showered or peed without an audience since 2004. 

The youngest of my Baby C's recently began a habit of building  a wall out of toilet paper so he can hang on my neck while I do my bathroom business. Children are immune to the smell of their own poop and their parents poop, apparently, because he insists on shutting the door and turning off the fart fan every single time, too.

 I also told him that he's getting too big for me to carry around the house while I'm doing stuff.  I said if he could hang on my back all by himself, he could hang there all day if he wanted.  Now, I feel like I have a baby spider monkey because he can fucking do it, people!  That should be a really good lesson if you ignore my advice and have a little bugger anyway- never challenge them to do something you think is impossible just so they'll give you a minute of peace- because all babies are geniuses of some kind.

They'll also call you on all of your bullshit.  I mean all of it.  Today Corbin drew all over his legs with an ink pen.  AFTER I told him at least 7,000 times to stop.  When I told him he was making a huge mess AND he looked goofy, wanna know what he did?  He turned my wrist over and showed me my very own goofy mess- my brand new tattoo.