Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Last Straw

Ok...so something happened yesterday that...I guess if it happened to be someone else's kid (yours, for example) I would think it was funny-  really, really funny.  And to tell you the whole truth, I did laugh.  Because I just was NOT expecting it but...

During outside play yesterday, one of my littles slipped into my house and locked the back door.  This is not an unusual occurrence, so I had a plan of action, but the way I found out the door was locked was because my sweet Baby C (His nickname is 'Demon'.  The 'sweet' part might be pushing it), the littlest of them all, took the pacifier out of his mouth, looked me right in the eye and said very clearly "Someone locked the fucking door."

Followed by "Hey, mom the fucking door is locked."  That's just the icing on the cake folks- the night before last he let loose with a string of swear words.  Yes.  He knows enough to make a string.

I know.  Worst. Mom. Ever.  So I'm going to enlist your help, if you know me in real life.  If you don't, just skip this next part and go on about your day with the satisfaction of knowing that you're a better parent than I am.  But if you know me in real life and you hear me say a swear word, please punch me in the arm or if you hit really hard, make me give you a dollar.  (Frank:  you're disqualified from punching me or taking my money because I can predict exactly what would happen:  you'll goad me into swearing and then gleefully punch the shit out of me or take all of my money for 'swearing back pay.')  Also, I need to be able to WRITE swear words so anything that is written, either on here or in real life doesn't count.  Also, if I have PMS, sometimes swearing is the only thing that keeps me from murdering people, so just make sure I don't do it around my kids.  I already don't do it around other people's kids, so this should be a breeze, right??

Also, please remember I bruise like a fucking peach and I don't have a shitload of money. 

This may be harder than I thought...