Thursday, December 1, 2011

Worst. Mom. Ever. Part...I can't remember...

Ok, so last night I'm all 'love and be loved' and this morning, before I was even really fully awake, I ruined my philosophy by yelling at my son before he was probably even really fully awake.

You know I'm the first person to admit when I screw up and today, I did it royally.  I'm so NOT the mom who yells at her kids.  I don't want to be, anyway.  I can't stand that woman- she usually looks like she hasn't met a hairbrush EVER and hasn't had a good night's sleep in 7 years.  She may have on fabulous sparkly Ugg's but aside from that, we're as different as night and ummm...later in the night.

The biggest Baby C picks the most inconvenient times to poop- he's done it since he was a baby.  All clean, in jammies, should be asleep??  He's gonna poop.  Shopping in a store with no changing tables?  Poop.  Exhausted mommy just dozing off to sleep?  Poop.  This morning, five minutes before he was supposed to walk out the door?  Poop.  And he made the moment even more inconvenient by using an entire roll of toilet paper and clogging the toilet.  AND, yes of course, there was poop everywhere.

I yelled at him for not using the suggested 'courtesy flush'. I yelled at him for managing to get poop on the ceiling (Probably.  It was everywhere else.  I don't wanna go look and you can't make me).  I yelled at him for continuing his 45 minute monologue on various airsoft machine guns throughout the entire process, without drawing a fucking breath.  I yelled at him for conveniently not being able to see the baby wipes, which were right in front of him in plain sight.  I yelled at him for not using the fart fan and for giving me 'poop hair.'  I think I even yelled at him because I was upset I was yelling at him. Then when he left the house, I yelled at him because he forgot his backpack (in my defense, I had to yell- he was halfway down the driveway.)  The only thing I managed to do right was to apologize and then hug and kiss him goodbye.

The worst part of the whole thing is that I woke up in a great mood- still am.  I did all the yelling while I was happy.  Can you imagine if I was pissed off??

One of my bestest friends, Stace, said to me recently 'the only thing I know for sure about parenting is that we're all fucking up our kids while trying our very best NOT to fuck them up the way our parents did us."  I may be paraphrasing or adding swear words to her actual quote. But that was the gist of it and I think she's brilliant.

Sigh.