Saturday, July 30, 2011

I Will Never, EVER have a ridiculously large and expensive birthday party for MY kids...

Yeah. Ya heard me loud and clear.  But in my defense, I said that way before I actually had children.  Which everyone knows, of course,  is the time you know the very most about how to raise them.

My sweet baby C, the babiest of all my babies turns 3 today. (I call him 'sweet', but in reality, he's a grumpy little cuss.  I have no idea where he gets that.  Must be Frank's DNA- I am a fucking ball of sunshine)  Frank and I have never had a 'real' birthday party for him before, my general idea being that if they're too young to tell you they want one, then they don't need one.  (Good thing I didn't apply that logic to things like 'food' and 'immunizations')  But somewhere around age 3, children become obsessed with birthday parties- everything is 'I  want Thomas the Train to come to my birthday party' and when they feel really, really loving 'you can come to my birthday party, Mommy'.  Also, the requests for special birthday presents begin approximately 11.5 months before their actual birthday.  They're just being considerate, people- it might take you a long time to find that super cool Buzz Lightyear spaceship that can fly all of his friends to Las Vegas for the weekend.   Even Amazon can't help you with that shit.

This year I gave in.  Six months ago I told Frank (this is an actual quote from yours truly) "A nice cake, a decoration or two, MAYBE a balloon??  I refuse to send out invitations, so it will be just for us (gesturing to Frank and boys)  Also, we'll eat the cake right after he gets up because everybody needs cake for breakfast, but that's IT."  Would you like to hear about the party we're throwing today?

The company with the bouncy castle/giant water slide should arrive before noon.  They're also bringing the cotton candy machine (thank God it comes with an instructional DVD.  Thank God S is in charge of watching the DVD AND remembering the information.  Ok...thank God she's in charge of NOT letting me try to figure out how to add alcohol to the cotton candy, too)  The balloon sculptures and balloons (for the balloon release to signify the beginning of the party, of course) will be here around noon also.  We picked up the kick ass Thomas the Train cake (with real train tracks that allow for a real wooden (the classy ones, folks) Thomas the Train to circle the bottom tier (Yes. You heard me- I said tier) **I want to add here that I DO have the sense to have a serious 'NO GIFT' policy for my kids when they actually have birthday parties- only because they're the only kids I know who already own EVERYTHING in Wal Mart and Target and most everything on Amazon)  My way too generous friends (The prettiest and very best dentist in the world, Dr. Trischa Clarke and her sweet, adorable family) circumvented my rule by secretly paying for the cake.  They also located all of the pieces for and loaned us the special train tracks required.  It's like they're birthday cake ninjas or something.  I hope this means they'll allow me to love and teach their new baby as much as they allow me to love and teach their son, Ayden...which translates to lots and lots of loving and a smattering of teaching him anything remotely useful. 
I DID keep my head about decorations (See??  Restraint at it's finest!) and I didn't succumb to the gift bag pressure because I got distracted at the party supply store and was fairly sick to my stomach from sampling candy when I left.  Plus, I decided the wooden cars I had picked out- the ones that come with real paint (the unwashable kind) might make my friends toilet paper my house later tonight.  But I AM filling all of the children with sugar and then forcing them to jump in the bouncy castle and on our famous trampoline (the one with the hose attached- a huge mess, exercise and fun rolled into one) for a couple of hours, so I think that might make up for the lack of gift bags. 
I also showed great restraint and did NOT send out one single invitation.  This means that I've invited everyone I know and have no idea how many people are coming today.  Or who they are.
I did NOT show restraint when it came time to purchase/encourage the purchase of alcohol for the parents.  (Because I'm a GIVER, people). And besides, don't children's birthday parties just SCREAM for tequila?!?! 
I'll let you all know how it goes-- something tells me this is going to be the greatest birthday party Corbin has ever had!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Murderdolls - My Dark Place Alone

I Love Joey Jordison in a very unholy way. Wednesday 13, too

Joey Jordison and Piggy D on the same stage- dreams do come true

Rob Zombie - Sick Bubblegum

ROB ZOMBIE interview with PIGGY D at Download 2011

Stating the Obvious

So I didn't post a video of S and I doing the Dougie yesterday.  You can probably guess why.  It's because S is a big chickenshit.  No, really it's because apparently, after 12 years of dance lessons and mucho time spent as a high school cheerleader, I have discovered that I have no rythm.  That's something many of you from my past probably already know, but were too kind to tell me to my face.  Thank you for that.  But my immense failure at learning to Dougie (could barely master the side to side step, folks) has given me a brilliant idea-- perhaps my most brilliant idea EVER.  And I'll tell you about it later.  It's going to be fucking AWESOMESAUCE!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Hellish Life of a Frustrated Rock Star Mom: Dougie-ing...not as easy as it looks

Ok, so S and I decided to teach our students how to Dougie today. It's deceptively difficult. Like DIY bikini looks a helluva lot easier than it actually is.BUT I have a hunch that Dougie-ing is NOT as painful as DIY waxing. We'll post a video if we figure it out...and we'll post one if we don't. Either way, you guys win!