Monday, August 15, 2011

Las Vegas (Part Two)

Here is another piece of information about Las Vegas that I almost forgot to tell you:  all of Mandalay Bay Casino (except our rooms, which was ironic) and a good portion of Las Vegas, smells like a fart.  The bad kind of farts where your husband holds your head under the covers or locks the windows in your car and won't let you roll them down for hours after said incident because you willl make a 'fart swirl' and you believe him because you're oxygen deprived and high on fumes.

The Hoodie Awards in our hotel may or may not have been responsible for some of it, but with major awards to be given out in categories like 'Best Fried Chicken' and 'Best Soul Food', who could blame them?  Besides, the smell continued as we walked through Las Vegas especially into and out of taxi cabs.  Plus, did you know there are NO fart fans in Mandalay Bay and probably none in all of Las Vegas?  (I'm not sure why someone would bother to build a hotel in the first place if there were no fart fans AND they were going to make a 13th floor- it's just mean!)

Also, there's no Coke anywhere in the town- just Pepsi.  I mean, I think there's Coke in the bathroom at Cabo Wabo, but first you would have to ask the waitresses what they were doing huddled up in that one bathroom stall that made them so mad when I barged in.  It may or may not have been Pepsi but I'm pretty sure there was Coke involved somewhere.

Las Vegas- Mind Altering Drugs and Dead Wax People

We're back from Las Vegas and I'm happy to say, the trip was full of fun and opportunities to learn new things.  For example did you know that they pump mind altering drugs into casinos?  It might just be oxygen- I'm not 100% sure, but rest assured it's something.  Also, the casinos there were designed to keep you a little off kilter- no clocks, the hallways are identical with nothing on the walls, Celebrity Ghost Story freaking me out in my room  keeping me a virtual prisoner in broad daylight even though I'm 41 years old and soooo not afraid of ghosts.  It was more than a spooky tv show though, people- the identical hallways reminded me of The Shining.  So much so that I said it every single time I walked into or through them.  I also sang 'Jesus Loves Me' and ran like hell from the elevator to the room.  (Because everyone knows that 'Jesus Loves Me' is the universal song of protection and if you didn't know it, you're welcome!)  Plus we stayed on the 13th floor and if I'm not mistaken, that's supposed to be impossible because they don't make hotels with the 13th floor.  That might just be a rumor but I know for a fact that 'they' were also watching every single step you took inside the casino and probably your room.  (I'm so happy that Frank showed me the cameras in the elevator...right after I hiked my dress up to my chin and straightened out my Spanx)  I'm sure there were other things- like the visit to the wax museum where everyone looks...dead.  And the dead wax people are mixed right in with the regular people so it's really, really hard not to run into them head first when you're screaming through Madame Tussuad's singing songs you learned in Vacation Bible School at the top of your lungs.

Las Vegas might also be frightening to me because last time I went there, somebody died on the plane on the way back.  I'm not making this up.  A little old man went to sleep and didn't wake up when the plane landed in Tulsa...EVER!  This time, all that happened was that a middle aged woman got drunk and belligerent and got kicked off the plane in Tulsa and NO, it most surely was NOT me.  I may or may not have been drunk but I'm almost never belligerent!