Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Monday, August 22, 2011

A "Beautiful" Lesson by Dj ASHBA

Dj showing you how to play 'Life is Beautiful"...if you have a guitar...which I don't. So don't ask me why I love this video- I think you already know.

DJ Ashba

Just some pics of Dj set to 'Life is Beautiful'

Piggy D. - (L)ocust Dance

Best Piggy D Song EVER!!!!!!

The Best Marital Advice I Have ( For the Wives Only!)

Ok ladies, I'm going to give you the best piece of marital advice you have ever, or will ever receive.  It's not original- I stole it from Jill Conner Browne author of the fabulous Sweet Potato Queen books, but it works.  Furthermore it works every single time.

I like to call this advice 'The Promise'.  Meaning that you 'promise' to do that thing ALL men love and ALL men complain about never getting- a bj. (If you don't know what this stands for, it stands for blow job.  If you don't know what a blow job is....well, google it) This is how The Promise works- you know those dishes piling up in the sink?  The laundry you can't ever seem to get folded and put away?  The shutters on the house that desperately need repainted?  Walk up to your hubby, sweet as pie and whisper in his ear "I would love to give you a bj right this very second, but the dirty dishes are driving me crazy."  The dishes will be done before you turn around and walk out of the room.  There are actually a bazillion ways to use it- please feel free to adjust it to your personality.

You know when The Promise really comes in handy?  Birthdays, Anniversaries and Christmas.  Then you can spend all the money on yourself and he'll be happy as a clam, I promise.

Now I know this sounds suspiciously like prostitution, but it most definitely is NOT.  It's called marriage and it means you'll have a happy hubby.  Because they ALL complain about having a lack of bj's- they're simple like that.

Oh! One last thing- you don't have to actually deliver on the promise every single time.  I suggest you don't every once in a while just to keep him from abusing The Promise. (Can't you just hear them "Well, I'd love to help you carry in that truckload of groceries through the ice and snow if you made a little promise to me..."  We'll have none of that.

Feel free to try The Promise today- let me know how it works out for you!

Me and Piggy D

This is a picture of me and Piggy D.  Ok...so it's just a picture of him on my phone. I'm ok with that- this is as close as I'll ever get to him and it's for the best.  We all know I have diarrhea of the mouth and there's no telling what I would say.  Perhaps he has diarrhea of the mouth, too and it wouldn't matter, however  I'm not taking any chances. OH!  This was after the first time I got hosed in the face- forgive the grooming.

Zombie Pictures

We're going to see some Zombies!

Wenifer and I getting our Zombie on

Me at the lovely Mayo Hotel...because now they won't let me back in.  Hooker shmooker!

Tulsa Skyline

Ouch! This dude needed sunscreen!

Getting PD's stuff ready

This man is perfection.  We had a moment.  At least, I think he was smiling at me??  JK!  He was smiling at everyone- he's excellent at interacting with the crowd. A lot of younger bands should take note!

Post Zombie the next day

S making fun of me, post Zombie

I think I stood next to John 5's wife, Rita- she is lovely and very sweet- we had a moment.  Rob Zombie told all the girls to get up on the guys' shoulders and she and I looked at each other, shook our heads 'NO' and started laughing. 
I have no idea what this video is, but I'm posting it anyway

Zombie Stuff

 I just want to add that in ALL of the videos I'm getting ready to post it's NOT me screaming "Fuck Yeah, I love you Matt,and/or it's 110 degrees, perhaps you should take off your clothes"

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Insanely overpriced new tat on my left wrist- so painful that I would rather give birth to a porcupine out of my butthole.  But I love it and the boys think it's rad.   Frank refuses to make eye contact with it.

Bellagio ceiling by Dale Chihuly- amazing in person- I would LOVE to see an exhibit of his work

The first of many ambush pictures of Frank.  Eventually, he got annoyed.

First night alone in my room waiting for Frank.  I can be mesmerized by a cell phone camera and a giant mirror for HOURS!

At least he was honest??

See??  Alone with a camera...

Yeah..I know...I'm a goober

This hairspray is BADASS!!  Thank you for sharing, Martha!

Frank:  You're starting to get on my nerves with all the pictures.

Frank:  No. I'm serious- you're bugging the shit out of me.

But why?? I'm AWESOME after two glasses of wine and a botle of rum!

"Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so..."

Sneaky, Christine.  Very sneaky.

Even creepy wax Chuck Liddell looks badass

Hurricane Christine strikes the first afternoon we were in Vegas

I think I was framed.  Nobody is THAT messy!

Uh-oh...alone with a camera AGAIN

It's ok folks- Cameron Diaz is totally on his list

Yeah...I DO need to put the camera down

Housewife Fantasy Island Guest for August and September

Ok..I'll just admit it:  I hogged Piggy D the months of June, July and part of August and kept him against his will on HWFI.  I really am sorry, but I just couldn't stop myself.  Alas, woman cannot live on Pig alone, I'm ready for a change.  Know who this is??

This is Dj Ashba.  I feel totally comfortable calling him the best guitar player ever.

He is so unbelievably talented AND he's super, duper cool to his fans!

He was in Las Vegas the same time I was and I didn't try to stalk him one time!  Aren't you proud?!

I even knew where he was staying...what was wrong with me?!?!

My brain was clearly clouded by alcohol consumption.  I should have stalked the hell out of him.

Nah, he's so cute that the first thing that came out of my mouth would have been something profound like 'I'm so nervous I have diarrhea."

I called dibs on him way back when he was in a band called Beautiful Creatures
He really is talented in an other worldly kind of way- he's a musician, producer, songwriter plus he's the CEO of Ashba Media.  He also has some badass merch- go check it out at ASHBA Swag!