Friday, November 11, 2011

My AWESOME new shirt!

This is the end of the week of bad moods...please...

It's not just me, folks- every child I know, every adult I know, probably even my dog although she's heavily medicated with happy pills, has been out of sorts-  it's been a shitty week.  I'm declaring it over and done today because I'm ruining my botox.  Yes, if you're really pissed, you can frown through minor facial paralysis.

Yesterday, as I attempted to empty my little's potty chair, I tripped and...well, you know what happened.  That makes me sound really clumsy, but in reality I can't see my feet and two of the littles were hanging on my ankles. (please go ahead and have your moment laughing at me- if you're reading this, I already know your maturity level. And it's low.  Very, very low.  I can't see my feet when I'm standing straight up AND I had pee all over the bathroom. Get it all out of your system.)

In addition,  this week I have almost set myself on fire...twice.

I also bought a sparkly bear hat that turned out to be a sparkly beaver hat.  Now, I'm the lady who wears the sparkly beaver hat.  That's just fucked up.

But today something TOTALLY FANFREAKINTASTIC happened.  If you know me in real life, you know that my FAVORITE store in the whole wide world is Ida Red- it's the former home of a picture frame I almost stole once. (That's a true story- it's made from the old wood floor of Cain's Ballroom.  I asked the guy at the register if he would chase me if I put the picture frame on my head and ran out of the store.  He said I was a terrible thief and that he WOULD chase me and could actually catch me because I looked like a very slow runner and also he used to be some kind of track running dude.  I think he's secretly Ida Red's security ninja, but he has awesome guy hair and he's super sweet so he's forgiven)   I own almost every shirt, one fabulous red necklace that looks like a rosary, all the green apple Zotz and one very kick ass picture frame from Ida Red.  It's my happy place and Stace and I try to go each and every Friday.

The manager there is an absolute doll- I LOVE her to pieces!!  (She has awesome hair, too...I'm starting to wonder if it's a job requirement or something) One time, I confessed my love of all things Ida Red and wrote a note on their Facebook wall- I told Awesome Haired Manager that I thought she and her store were wonderful.  She told me that little gesture made her day- making her day made my day- it's funny how that works.

So today Stace and I made our usual journey to Ida Red- (it was a race to see who could get to the green apple Zotz first...I won.  I show no mercy when it comes to my Zotz) I was happy to see Awesome Haired Manager and Security Ninja Dude.  I was in the process of asking if they could point me in the direction of an Ida Red shirt when Awesome Haired Manager said she had a gift for me.  That alone made my day, but what's even better is that my gift was a fantastically comfortable and gorgeous 'I Heart Ida Red' shirt!  I jumped up and down and may have screamed out of sheer joy.  I'm sorry if I hurt anyone with the jumping or screaming. I couldn't help myself- it's the best t shirt EVER!!!!

I love sharing the places I love with other people- if you're ever in Tulsa or if you live in Tulsa but have never been or if you have been but have not been recently OR even if you're an Ida Red junkie like I am- go check them out!  They're at 3336 S. Peoria Avenue- which is in the Brookside area of town- there are also some great places to eat around there- I suggest you make an afternoon of it!  Tell them the crazy lady who buys all the green apple Zotz sent you!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Rob Zombie Sick Bubble Gum Live Tulsa

Eternal Gray - Blind Messiah (HQ)

I absolutely love this band and this song is fucking AWESOME!

The List...Amended

I'm really starting to get excited about seeing Wednesday 13 in January- I have the two bravest friends in the world for going with me...even though I might have accidentally told them we were going to hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir instead.  They may be puzzled, briefly, regarding the fact that I'll be wearing my Sally costume, but they're both super smart so I'm sure they'll catch on quickly. And they'll be delighted!  (If not,  I'm filling them full of alcohol.  Fuck it.  I'm doing that regardless)

I was sitting here sad as can be because one of my favorite drummers in the world, Ben Graves, isn't playing with him.  Then I started missing Acey Slade.  Then Eric Griffin.  THEN it dawned on me- remember my very first piece of rock memorabilia??  The early Murderdolls??  Signed by Wednesday and Joey??  Ben and Eric are so in that picture!!  (Acey is missing- doesn't matter.  I love him anyway)  That's the picture that started it all for me and I'm starting to amass quite the impressive collection!  Anyway, I was just feeling a little nostalgic for 2002, so I decided to add Ben, Acey and Eric to my official list...right under Matt.  For now.  I'm fickle.

Murderdolls grave robbing U.S.A Big day out

Monska and Stace going with me to see Wednesday 13 this January (shhh! Don't show them the video- they think we're going to hear'holiday music'...muaaahahaahaa) How cool would it be if Ben Graves, Acey Slade and Eric Griffin were with him (and Joey Jordison-- he goes without saying) Gonna add Ben, Acey and Eric to My Official List..that list is starting to look better and better!

More Pictures!

Corbin throwing rocks at Ryan's junk

With the very best dog in the world, Gracie

This is when Frank broke my rib or my boob...we still can't decide

The boys are laughing because Frank put a giant, very cold blob of mud down my shirt.  And on my boob.

No love for the girl with the muddy boob

It seems we had a theme that day...and that theme was boobs.  Fits our family like a glove.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I Actually Think I Taught My Neighbor's Son Something Useful...By Accident

You already know this has been and is continuing to be a grouchy week for me.  I feel a little out of sorts and because this feeling is so unimaginable for me (yeah, right) I decided that 'Wine Friday' is now 'Wine Wednesday'.  The moment the kids and Frank hit the hay at 8, I hit the bottle of vino. Two glasses in, my neighbor called n a panic "Can you help my son with his poetry class?  He's behind on some homework and the teacher has given him TONIGHT to catch up!"  I was honest and told her I was into the wine and therefore could make no promises about the quality of such poetry, but if she didn't mind her son being around a wino, please send him over.

I think we did a tremendous job (I think we wrote 5 or 6 poems) and except for the poem I helped him write about...ummmm...bodily functions, I think we did a great job.  We were discussing the finer points of poetry and I tried to relate it to something all pre teen/teen/grown assed men can relate to:  impressing women.

I told him if he could write a girl a poem, or even better, a song, he could probably have any girl he wanted.  Especially the song part.  I told him a story from my youth- 17 to be exact- when a guitar player friend of mine wrote a song for me.  I will never forget it.  I don't even know if it had words, but the point was he wrote it for ME.  I was on cloud 9.  My neighbor's son told me a couple of stories about boys in his school writing girls poems or songs and the boys?  Well, they almost always ended up with the girls.  He left my house pen and paper in hand with a gleam in his eye and a newfound appreciation for the written word. 

Dear Mr. and Mrs. K: you're welcome!  But I should also say I'm sorry for the poem about farting.  He probably should NOT use that one to try to get a girl!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


I'm in the process of posting my recent family pictures, so I thought I would take a moment to tell you about how amazing our photographer is.  He's a close friend of mine, his wife is equally amazing and his kids are totally perfect and precious.  I met Ryan when I worked at a preschool his son, Ayden, attended.  Long story short, fell in love with his son (how could you not?!?!  He's the greatest thing since sliced bread...I can't wait to get my hands on Ryan's new baby.  I feel that inserting evil laughter here would be I'm going to bribe him into loving me with endless suckers and Popsicles or if!)  Anyway, when the school closed, I practically forced Ryan to let me continue taking care of Ayden.  That's when I feel like I really got to know his whole family and let me tell you I adore all of them- even his mom and dad ROCK!!  Ryan is really funny and we tease him...mercilessly, really, about being 'one of the girls' and he's a great sport.  We also tease him about what a giant nerd he is, but we do it lovingly.  And well, he IS a giant nerd.  But he's also an incredibly gifted photographer- I mean he made my whole family look good at the EXACT SAME TIME, too.  So obviously he's into voodoo, too (or maybe photo shop.  I don't care- I love the pictures that much!)

Anyway he tolerated our shenanigans so well and he really encouraged my kids to be themselves- even if it meant enduring rocks being lobbed at his manhood by Demon.  He put up with my totally bizarre idea of having a mud fight in my backyard.  He put up with me bitching constantly because I didn't have an entourage ('s in the works) and my constant reminder "young and thin, Ryan- make me look young AND thin!"  The picture taking process felt like we were hanging around with my best friend, doing our own goofy thing and it just happened to get captured on film.  He is the BEST and if you don't use him for your own family pictures, you're insane.

Oh- he hates the term 'BFF' (also the word 'panties'- he's horrified if we accidentally refer to his son's under wear as 'panties.  I promised I would include that in my blog post, btw)  Anyway, once I was teasing him about being his BFF and he countered with 'you're my MFBFF!'  I think we all know what that means-  it means that his family is stuck with my family forever. That's the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me.  If I had a heart, I might get teary right now.  Thank God I'm heartless.

Foo Fighters - Everlong - BOK Center - Tulsa, OK - May 17, 2011

I post this song all the's my very favorite Foo Fighters song and I can't get it out of my head...and I LIKE that!! :)

The Gorgeous Children I'm Trying So Hard Not To Mess Up

How To Mess With Your Kids' Minds...Just a Little

I'm uncharacteristically grumpy today, mi amigos (Monska is teaching me Spanish...I'm getting smarter by the minute over here).  I don't know why.  Maybe it's the earthquakes that we've had in Oklafuckinghoma, of all places.  Maybe it's the rain, I don't know.  All I know is that when Corbin dragged me into the kitchen (for like, the eleventy hundreth time) this morning to stand absent mindedly in front of the open freezer so he could list all of the things he could NOT have for breakfast, I snapped.  Not 'News at 5 snapped'- just 'Christine snapped'. Which means that Evil Christine came out to play with Corbin for a minute (my kids LOVE Evil Christine because she is usually a lot more fun than regular Christine.  Evil Christine made them yellow snow ice cream.  They love that kind of shit.)  Anyway, right around that time my coffee pot started making a weirdly loud hissing noise.  I don't know why.  Maybe it was chastising me for standing there with the fucking freezer door wide open while it was trying to keep my coffee hot?  Anyway I seized the opportunity with both hands.  I stopped, wide eyed and looked at Corbin, totally horrified.  "What have you done to piss the coffee pot off?!?!  Oh my Lord, I'm scared to death- what did YOU DO????????"  I yelled the last part in terror.  He closed the freezer door and ran like hell to the bedroom.  No more freezer gazing!  Ha!  Today, I won my friends.

Unless I need him to fetch me a Popsicle later.  Fuck.