Thursday, December 1, 2011

Worst. Mom. Ever. Part...I can't remember...

Ok, so last night I'm all 'love and be loved' and this morning, before I was even really fully awake, I ruined my philosophy by yelling at my son before he was probably even really fully awake.

You know I'm the first person to admit when I screw up and today, I did it royally.  I'm so NOT the mom who yells at her kids.  I don't want to be, anyway.  I can't stand that woman- she usually looks like she hasn't met a hairbrush EVER and hasn't had a good night's sleep in 7 years.  She may have on fabulous sparkly Ugg's but aside from that, we're as different as night and ummm...later in the night.

The biggest Baby C picks the most inconvenient times to poop- he's done it since he was a baby.  All clean, in jammies, should be asleep??  He's gonna poop.  Shopping in a store with no changing tables?  Poop.  Exhausted mommy just dozing off to sleep?  Poop.  This morning, five minutes before he was supposed to walk out the door?  Poop.  And he made the moment even more inconvenient by using an entire roll of toilet paper and clogging the toilet.  AND, yes of course, there was poop everywhere.

I yelled at him for not using the suggested 'courtesy flush'. I yelled at him for managing to get poop on the ceiling (Probably.  It was everywhere else.  I don't wanna go look and you can't make me).  I yelled at him for continuing his 45 minute monologue on various airsoft machine guns throughout the entire process, without drawing a fucking breath.  I yelled at him for conveniently not being able to see the baby wipes, which were right in front of him in plain sight.  I yelled at him for not using the fart fan and for giving me 'poop hair.'  I think I even yelled at him because I was upset I was yelling at him. Then when he left the house, I yelled at him because he forgot his backpack (in my defense, I had to yell- he was halfway down the driveway.)  The only thing I managed to do right was to apologize and then hug and kiss him goodbye.

The worst part of the whole thing is that I woke up in a great mood- still am.  I did all the yelling while I was happy.  Can you imagine if I was pissed off??

One of my bestest friends, Stace, said to me recently 'the only thing I know for sure about parenting is that we're all fucking up our kids while trying our very best NOT to fuck them up the way our parents did us."  I may be paraphrasing or adding swear words to her actual quote. But that was the gist of it and I think she's brilliant.


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Adding a little love to the evil lair...

I acquired this picture today and I think it's fitting in two ways:  One, it's below Dj Ashba whom I LOVE in a totally unhealthy way and two, it's the purpose of my life-- to love and be loved.

Yeah, I really do think the meaning of life is that simple.  Plus, I think I'm a fucking genius for figuring it out...well, I'm a genius and so are the 50 million people who figured it out before I did.

If you're friends with me, it's likely that I will eventually jump on you and lick your face because being friends with me is like being friends with a really enthusiastic Golden Retriever puppy.  I will love you and I will tell you I love you a lot.  I will also show you I love you and let's just pray you're a hugger with no need for personal space.  Good thing that I have managed to acquire the best, most understanding friends in addition to a new picture!

To all my friends past, present and future- please know that you are loved today.  A lot.  By me.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

About the Baby C's and...Christians

The other day, the Baby C's and I were sitting around, just watching movies and eating snacks, with Big J and Consuela's precious little, Miss S.  I must have forgotten my manners for a moment and burped...maybe kind of loudly.  (side note:  I have three sons and a husband who barely qualifies as an adult- I swear I do it in self defense).  Big Baby C looked at me, totally horrified.  "Moooom!"  He said, pointing at Miss S "There are CHRISTIANS in the house!"

Fine.   I'll admit that there's something amiss in his religious education because somehow, he thinks Christians don't burp.

Ok...I lied...

I also ordered this...

I ordered it from Black Victory and it says 'Blood Suckin' Mutha Fucka'
Looks like someone found her Christmas outfit early!!  Plus, if you go to Black Victory, the
description of the t-shirt clearly says 'Makes your boobs look good'...I need all the help I can get!

Acey Slade-She brings down the moon (videoclip)

This is Acey Slade and he's working his way quickly up my list- Acey used to be in some of my favorite bands, por exemplo Murderdolls, Dope and Wednesday 13. I think he played in Amen, too but I don't know if it was the same time Piggy D was there or not. Anyway, now Acey plays bass for Joan Jett- and he frickin' rocks!! Absolutely love him! My latest round of goodies for my evil lair are Acey's- I'm sad that he won't be able to actually sign anything to me and make me his 'Favorite Rock Star Mom' a la Mr. Matt Montgomery, but it doesn't matter. I'm so stoked I'm getting some new stuff!!!!!!

One last picture of the birthday boy...

My nephew, Daxasaurus

Happy Birthday, dear Daxarooneytooney!

Today, my oldest nephew turns 20.  Which sounds impossible, what with me being only 28 and all.  But while I lie about my age occassionally, his birth certificate does not- he's 20, folks.  Yikes!

I was the first person to hold Precious Nephew, after Sweet Sister and her hubby (my mother will argue this point with me-- but Sweet Sister will vouch- I was first.)  Because I was childless through the majority of his life so far, I've been able to spend a lot of time with him and we have a bond that extends into the 'Mommysister' category- I love him with all my heart and soul- he is simply the best.

Dax:  if you're reading this, first, shame on you because this blog is nasty and second-- I wish you the very happiest of Happy Birthdays!!!  I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!