Do you know what a 'Booger Wall' is?? If you don't, you need to find out immediately. Because they do.
A couple of nights ago, I was tucking big Baby C into bed and I looked over to find him (please pardon me being so blunt) knuckle deep in his nose. I was ten kinds of mortified. "COLIN!! I can see you!!! This (me sticking my finger in my nose) does NOT give you the power of invisibility! What I also see is that you do not have a Kleenex. Are you trying to tell me I'm laying in a bed of boogers right this very second?!?"
"No, mom" he said, shaking his head entertained by my obvious stupidity. "I wipe them on the wall right here, by my head."
I quickly climbed out of booger boy's sheets. "Son...what do you think happens to them AFTER you wipe them on the wall. Do you think they magically disappear?!?"
"They fall off somewhere, I guess. I can't see them anymore. What's that word- when something like water just goes away?"
"Evaporation? Boogers do NOT evaporate, you boob. What you have there is called a 'collection'. And what's worse is that it's a BOOGER COLLECTION. Way to go!"
The next day I asked a couple of my friends- only the ones with sons- about booger walls and they all nodded knowingly. It appears that most little boys have a booger wall in their house somewhere. I have also heard of one in a car. I'm sure they're everywhere and we're inadvertently sitting next to or on top of them at any given minute. I mean think about it- how many times do you see a little boy with a tissue?? My guess is never...because their booger disposal system works just fine on walls, car seats and their clothes.
One of my friends gave me a sympathetic hug and said "Wait til they're teenagers and you find crunchy socks and towels all over the house..."
Somebody, please just kill me now. Or send wine...lots and lots of wine.