Saturday, July 7, 2012

I'm drawn to weirdness like a moth to a flame, people. If you're familiar with my taste in music, friends, clothing, movies...(honestly at this moment I can't think of a single thing about me that's normal so just go ahead and insert whatever you want in this space______) then you already know this about me.  If you're bothered by weirdness then you should go read something else for a while even if you're on the potty because this just won't be worth it.

I kissed a python yesterday.  And I liked it.  I wanted to bring it home with me.  But that's not too weird, right?  It's not like I kissed it on the mouth.  It was just a itty bitty baby python.  A baby python that someday will be almost as tall as a tiny human being and possess the ability to slowly strangle me in my sleep.  But it was so damned cute.  It made me want to have a baby or a pet.  I think we all agree that it's just best for my neighborhood and the universe in general if I don't repopulate anything. But I totally want a new pet.  A weird one.

Frank said a very loud and emphatic NO to a snake of any kind.  He also said NO to rats.  And anything that rhymes with 'rats'... like 'bats'.  Which is super unfair because I totally love bats right now.  It also unfairly eliminated 'cats', which I love, too.  It also eliminates gnats and probably some other shit, too, but I'm too lazy to go through the rest of the alphabet.  Suffice it to say I can't have any super cute rhyming pets.  And that's so fucking unfair.

Anyway, I can't have a bat but I can have something called a sugar glider which looks suspiciously like a bat but doesn't rhyme at all so I'm safe.  Plus one of my friends owns a couple of sugar gliders and said they're totally assholes (the sugar gliders are assholes- not my friend) and you know what that means, right?  It means they'll fit in perfectly around here.