Friday, July 20, 2012

Rules for the Burp Game...

And fine, the fart game.  Just because I know that you'll be unable to rest until you know.

First let me say that this is the most asinine game in history- I think my kids change the rules every so often, probably to discourage me from playing. Also, so they can punch me.  Scratch everything but that last part- they enjoy punching me a little too much and that's just fucked up.

THE BURP GAME:  After burping, the burper must say 'touchdown' before their opponent says 'blitz'.  If their opponent says 'blitz' first, then the burper must find a door handle to touch.  In the meantime, the opponent can punch the shit out of the burper as much as they want.

THE FART GAME:  After farting (side note:  I have friends who refer to this as 'gassing'  or 'fluffing'...it isn't gassing or, God forbid, fluffing, guys- it's a fart.  That is all.)  the farter must say 'safety' before their opponent says 'doorknob'.  If their opponent says 'doorknob' first, the farter must find a doorknob to touch.  In the meantime, you guessed it- punching the shit out of the farter is required.

My kids added some special rule or addendum called 'the reverse clause' that says when they burp or fart, everything is reversed.  This means that they burp and I have to say 'blitz' or they get to punch the shit out of me until I figure out what I'm supposed to do next.  It is utterly unfair.  They also get to punch me if they randomly say 'slugbug' (you can't convince me that's a real game) or 'sno cone shack'.  No idea why they get to punch me if they see a sno cone shack- punching me is a very bad way to get me in the mood for a little snowy deliciousness.