Welcome to this week's wine post and I'm not gonna lie- it's totally vodka's fault. Vodka is evil as shit.
I recently ended a phone conversation with my bff, Stacy, in which we discussed, at length, why we aren't married to each other, because we're fucking awesome AND why we can't enjoy 'Magic Mike'. (Me: Because my nephew looks like Channing Tatum Her: Because Matthew McHoweveryouspellhislastname looks like a douche in a leather vest) But, I promised there will be Coke icees and she has permission to throw popcorn at my boobs. It will be a very, very good day. And it will certainly happen very soon.
I'm wondering if AT&T has a 'slobbering' warranty for IPhone's because I keep carrying mine around in my mouth. I'm serious. There are teeth marks all over my otter box. That sounds so much nastier than it is. (*disappointed*)
Taking the kids on our first family vacation. What?! It's gonna rain all week in Corpus fucking Christi?!?! Well...thank God they're civilized in Texas and sell wine in grocery stores...they also sell something called 'Beaver Nuggets' so, I'm good!!
My bff, Stacy?? She's going on a family vacation where she needs a little something called 'bear spray'. Yuh huh. I don't think 'bear spray' is something that makes people wanna bare their cash and prizes, but whatever. I'm totally in.
And vodka?! Yeah. You're evil. Which means that after Stacy, you're totally my number two. And shut up about being my number two- I still can't order fish tacos without laughing.