Thursday, June 7, 2012

UGH...

Ugh...It's so almost my birthday and I'm lamenting like a motherfucker.  Ya know why?  Nobody and I mean nobody, wants to be 42.  And if you do, you're lying.  And I don't mean on the couch with a margarita.  I mean you're lying through your teeth.  Please don't get me wrong, I'm happy as shit to be alive.  It's just that...well, I remember my MOM being 42 for fuck's sake.  And she was OLD.

I'm not worried about looking old- I gotta face full of poison and nowhere to go, friends.  I'm worried that my life is probably, most likely, maybe half over and I haven't done a lot of shit with it.  Because I think the only unforgivable sin in life is wasting time.  Think about it for a second...it's the ONLY thing we can never get more of.  And it's the one thing, in the end, we'll all want.  Nobody is gonna be all 'Please give me another week- I wanna WORK like a motherfucker!'  We're all gonna say 'wait a minute...I haven't LIVED yet?!?!'

This next year, I promise you this...I'm gonna LIVE!!!  I'm gonna be knocking shit off my bucket list left and right.  And I'm gonna make memories. And I'm not gonna say 'I'm sorry'...not once, for living and for realizing how precious, beautiful and brief life actually is.

Come with me!!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Hello and welcome to this week's wine post.  As a special treat, I'm sharing a few things said by my beloved Demon this week.  I'm not making this shit up people- I'm not that creative.

A couple of days ago as I was attempting to do yoga, Demon came into the room, shit his pants, then plopped down in the middle of my yoga mat and said "Sorry for party rocking, baby girl."

On the 'baby girl' subject, he doesn't refer to me as 'mom' now-  I am known as, you guessed it 'baby girl.' All the time.  A typical morning at my house sounds like this:  "I need some cereal and please put Power Rangers on the tv, baby girl."  It's disturbing!

Tonight I caught him in the backyard, dancing, wearing only a sparkly blue backpack.  He was singing "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard' and "I'm sexy and I know it."  Except he adds the phrase 'teabagging' at the end.  No fucking idea for real.

After I forced him into a pair of underwear, he sat down and snuggled beside me on our blanket (we've been sitting outside every night watching the bats eat- it's the coolest thing ever).  He looked at me innocently and asked "Can I pee on you?"

After this post, I'm getting back to writing about rock stars because even a little time spent with my kids is too much for anybody to handle.  Especially me.