Saturday, July 7, 2012

I'm drawn to weirdness like a moth to a flame, people. If you're familiar with my taste in music, friends, clothing, movies...(honestly at this moment I can't think of a single thing about me that's normal so just go ahead and insert whatever you want in this space______) then you already know this about me.  If you're bothered by weirdness then you should go read something else for a while even if you're on the potty because this just won't be worth it.

I kissed a python yesterday.  And I liked it.  I wanted to bring it home with me.  But that's not too weird, right?  It's not like I kissed it on the mouth.  It was just a itty bitty baby python.  A baby python that someday will be almost as tall as a tiny human being and possess the ability to slowly strangle me in my sleep.  But it was so damned cute.  It made me want to have a baby or a pet.  I think we all agree that it's just best for my neighborhood and the universe in general if I don't repopulate anything. But I totally want a new pet.  A weird one.

Frank said a very loud and emphatic NO to a snake of any kind.  He also said NO to rats.  And anything that rhymes with 'rats'... like 'bats'.  Which is super unfair because I totally love bats right now.  It also unfairly eliminated 'cats', which I love, too.  It also eliminates gnats and probably some other shit, too, but I'm too lazy to go through the rest of the alphabet.  Suffice it to say I can't have any super cute rhyming pets.  And that's so fucking unfair.

Anyway, I can't have a bat but I can have something called a sugar glider which looks suspiciously like a bat but doesn't rhyme at all so I'm safe.  Plus one of my friends owns a couple of sugar gliders and said they're totally assholes (the sugar gliders are assholes- not my friend) and you know what that means, right?  It means they'll fit in perfectly around here. 


Sunday, July 1, 2012

For Dax...

Ok...so on July 18th, I'm taking my amazing nephew, Dax, to see Slipknot and Slayer in Oklahoma City.  I'm excited because I took him to his first concert when he was around 5 (Nickelback. He has forgiven me for that and you should, too) I'm especially excited because he is one of my most favorite people in the world.  Since he became an almost grown up man, we haven't had a chance to spend a lot of time together. I can't wait to catch up with him- we're sooo gonna stay up all night and eat junk food and ding dong ditch the other people in the hotel.  There may be wine involved somewhere, too, but only for me.  But back to my nephew- he's 20.  He wrestles at the very best college in Oklahoma.  He's badass.  And he's so much like me it's scary. 

The first time I held him, I felt completely connected to something bigger than myself- even though I was only a kid myself.  I fell in love in a split second. If you look at the picture my mother took of me holding him for the very first time, it's all love.  Nothing but love. 

You see, God did something funny to my sister and I- he gave brown eyed me two little boys who look suspiciously like my sister.  Blue eyes...fair skin... but at least when I'm out in public, I can pretend they're not mine, right?  Anyway, he also gave sweet baby sister some kiddos who share some startling dna with their awesome Aunt T (that's me).

The weird tumbleweed-ish super duper curly hair?  Dax has it.  The annoying allergies?  Yeah.  He has them.  The love of music?  Yuh-huh.  The creativity?  The hyperactive outgoing  goofy personality?  Yes!  And yes!  The unholy LOVE of scary movies and being scared? The answer is yes. The superior athletic ability?  Umm...no.  That's from his dad.  But a lot of what I see in me, I see in Dax.  And in my other niece and nephew, too.  It's crazy how that works.

When Dax was a baby, I realized how badly I wanted to be a mother.  After I became a mother, I realized how incredible- what an immense and perfect gift- being an aunt was.  It was all the awesomeness of parenthood but better because there was no pressure.  Being an aunt is like taking only the very best things about parenthood, minus the stress.  If you ask me, being an aunt is one of the luckiest and best relationships in the world.  It's all good stuff.  How often does that happen?  And besides that, sweet baby sister managed to raise three- count 'em, three- awesome people that I actually like to spend time with.  I'd pick all of them as friends.  That's pretty amazing, if you ask me!

I love being an aunt so much that my bonus son?  My 14 year old sweetpea from Frank's first marriage? The name on my wrist that hurt so much I'd rather drag a flaming hedgehog out of my butt than have that tattoo repeated?  He calls me 'Aunt T' just like his cousins.  That's another relationship I adore...and it's coming up next.